Seriously needs caching. SRSLY

<?php
	class ImageGeneration {
		function getInfo($name) {
			$this->loadDefaultInfo();
			$XML = new XMLReader;
			$XML->open("http://chat.hypermutt.net/online/user/".$name.".xml");
			$wn = array();

			while($XML->read()) {
				if ($XML->nodeType == XMLReader::ELEMENT) {
					$wn[] = $XML->name;
				}
				if ($XML->nodeType == XMLReader::TEXT) {
					if ("user/info/nick" == implode('/', $wn)) {
						$this->name = $XML->value . ". ";
					}
					if ("user/info/online" == implode('/', $wn)) {
						$this->away = ($XML->value == "TRUE") ? true : false;
					}


					if ("user/info/connected" == implode('/', $wn)) {
						$this->onlinefor = strtotime($XML->value);
					}
					if ("user/info/timenow" == implode('/', $wn)) {
						$sc = (strtotime($XML->value) - $this->onlinefor);
						$t = floor($sc/86400);
							$c["days"] = ($t > 0) ? $t."D " : ""; $sc = ($sc-$t*86400);
						$t = floor($sc/3600);
							$c["hours"] = ($t > 0) ? $t."H " : ""; $sc = ($sc-$t*3600);
						$t = floor($sc/60);
							$c["minutes"] = ($t > 0) ? $t."M " : "";
						$this->onlinefor = $c["days"].$c["hours"].$c["minutes"];
					}
					

					if ("user/info/away" == implode('/', $wn)) {
						$this->away = ($XML->value == "TRUE") ? true : false;
					}
					if ("user/info/awaymsg" == implode('/', $wn)) {
						$this->awaymessage = $XML->value;
					}
					if ("user/channels/channel/name" == implode('/', $wn)) {
						$this->channels .= str_replace('#','',$XML->value)." ";
					}
				}
				if ($XML->nodeType == XMLReader::END_ELEMENT) {
					array_pop($wn);
				}
			}
			$XML->close();
		}
		
		function loadDefaultInfo() {
			$this->name = ". ";
			$this->online = true;
			$this->onlinefor = "";
			$this->away = true;
			$this->awaymessage = "";
			$this->channels = "";
		}
	
		function drawImage() {
			header("Content-type: image/png");
			$image = imagecreatefrompng("background.png");
				$white = imagecolorallocate($image, 255, 255, 255);
				$red   = imagecolorallocate($image, 255, 0, 0);
				$green = imagecolorallocate($image, 0, 255, 0);
				$feb = "slkscreb.ttf";
				$fnn = "slkscr.ttf";
			
			$sizes["name"]   = imagettfbbox(6, 0, $feb, $this->name);
			$sizes["online"] = imagettfbbox(6, 0, $feb, "online: ");
			$sizes["away"]   = imagettfbbox(6, 0, $feb, "away: ");
			$sizes["yes"]    = imagettfbbox(6, 0, $feb, "yes ");
			$sizes["#"]     = imagettfbbox(6, 0, $feb, "#: ");
			
			imagettftext($image, 6, 0, 22, 8, -$white, $feb, $this->name);
			imagettftext($image, 6, 0, (22 + $sizes["name"][4]), 8, -$white, $feb, "online:");
			imagettftext($image, 6, 0, (22 + $sizes["name"][4] + ($sizes["online"][4] - $sizes["away"][4])), 18, -$white, $feb, "away:");
			imagettftext($image, 6, 0, (22 + $sizes["name"][4] + ($sizes["online"][4] - $sizes["#"][4])),    28, -$white, $feb, "#: ");
			
			imagettftext($image, 6, 0, (22 + $sizes["name"][4] + $sizes["online"][4]),  8, -(($this->online) ? $green : $red), $feb, (($this->online) ? "yes" : "no"));
			imagettftext($image, 6, 0, (22 + $sizes["name"][4] + $sizes["online"][4]), 18, -((!$this->away)  ? $green : $red), $feb, (($this->away)   ? "yes" : "no"));
			
			if ($this->online)
				imagettftext($image, 6, 0, (22 + $sizes["name"][4] + $sizes["online"][4] + $sizes["yes"][4]),  8, $white, $fnn, $this->onlinefor);
			if ($this->away)
				imagettftext($image, 6, 0, (22 + $sizes["name"][4] + $sizes["online"][4] + $sizes["yes"][4]), 18, $white, $fnn, $this->awaymessage);
			imagettftext($image, 6, 0, (22 + $sizes["name"][4] + $sizes["online"][4]), 28, $white, $fnn, $this->channels);
			
			imagepng($image);
			imagedestroy($image);
		}
	}
	
	$x = new ImageGeneration;
	$x->getInfo($_GET['name']);
	$x->drawImage();
?>

Firefox doesn't do a lot of simultaneous AJAX (or any kind of HTTP) requests. IE caps it at 2, too. This will allow you to test your XHR overload scripts, or just load pages faster in general.

1. Go to "about:config"
2. Find and edit the following
* network.http.pipelining=false
* network.http.pipelining.maxrequests=4
* network.http.proxy.pipeline=false
3. Make the false's true; I set my maxrequests at 20

A quick code snippet to include the right XHTML DTD in your XSL generated output. This took me a bit of reseach to find out:

<xsl:output 
method="xml" 
encoding="utf-8" 
omit-xml-declaration="yes" 
indent="no" 
doctype-system="http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" 
doctype-public="-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" />

Another tidbit I found today was:

exclude-result-prefixes="media" 

to exclude unwanted namespace declarations from the output.